he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
