Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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