Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
