dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
