I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
