Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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