He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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