My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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