I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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