I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
