I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
