I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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