haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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