eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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