Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Im part way to drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
