i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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