I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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