Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
