I want to make a zoo with you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
