I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
