Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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