You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
