If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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