Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize