I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
