Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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