Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
