By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
