ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
