I puked a lego.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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