the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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