I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
