guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
