i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
