dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
