in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
