Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
