I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
