I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize