Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
