is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
