Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My vagina is officially offended.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
