No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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