I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
