The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
being pregnant is like rehab
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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