so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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