I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
