Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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