I hate all girls vehemently.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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