When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
