Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Say something about gay babies.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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