So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
