The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
