take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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