U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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