At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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