I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
