We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
