There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
