I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
