sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
