Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
