I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wish there were birth control emojis
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The air taste purple.
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