didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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