You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
