Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
