why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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