That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
