Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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