Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
