I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
