I just pynch a tree in the face
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
