i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
